Peter J Jackson

Managing The Fear Of Loneliness

Author: Stan Popovich
Sometime or another we will experience a time when we are alone.
Some people fear of being alone for various reasons. The first
step is to become comfortable with yourself and having the
self-confidence that you will be able to manage being alone.
There is nothing wrong with being alone. If being alone bothers
you then seeing a counselor can help you with these issues.

In the meantime, here is a short list of techniques that a
person can use so that the fear of being alone doesn't become a
major issue in their lives.

The first step is to find an activity that you enjoy and where
you can meet a lot of people. For instance, joining a group
activity such as a volleyball group, women's club, or making
crafts can be a great way to meet people. Doing something that
you like to do will make you happy and will increase your
chances of making friends.

Spending time with animals can be a great source of
companionship. Whether you have a dog or you go to your local
shelter, spending time with an animal or pet can help us to feel
better. Animals can be of good company to all of us whether we
are alone or not.

Helping others through community service can be of some help.
There are many people out there who could benefit from your time
and talents. Helping others can give you a source of pride and
accomplishment and also can lead to friendships.

It isn't fun being alone, but sometimes there are worse things.
For instance, imagine that you are married or stuck in a
relationship that you can't get out of and also makes you
miserable. Not only do you have to live with this person, but
there is no way to get out of the relationship because of
various financial or personal reasons. As a result, you are
stuck living with someone that you can't stand and makes you
depressed every single day of your life. With this viewpoint,
being alone doesn't sound that bad.

For those of you who believe in God, spending time with God and
praying to him can help us in our lonely situation. Spending
time with God and asking God for help in our time of loneliness
can be of great comfort. You never know how God will work in
ones life. Ask him for help and trust that he will help you.

As a Layman, the important thing is to do something
constructive. Sitting around and doing nothing will not make
things any better whether its dealing with the fear of being
alone or something else. Take it one day at a time and stay
committed in trying to solve your problem.

About the author:
Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing
Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods"-a
book that presents a overview of techniques in managing Fear.
For more info go to: http://www.managingfear.com For free
articles on managing fear please go to:
http://www.managingfear.com

www.peterjjackson.com

The Willingness To Heal

Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a profound healing process, called Inner Bonding, which anyone can learn and use throughout the day (free course available - see resource box at the end of the article). The first step of this process is willingness.

We cannot begin a journey without our willingness to do so. Without our willingness to do whatever it takes to heal, we will not begin the journey of healing and evolving our soul. Doing whatever it takes means that we are ready and willing to feel, learn about and take full responsibility for our own feelings -our own pain, fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, loneliness, disappointment, depression, sense of safety, worth, lovability and joy. Willingness means that we are ready to become aware of creating our own feelings with our thoughts, beliefs and actions. It means we are willing to face whatever it is we fearin order to heal the beliefs causing the fear.

Willingness means that we choose to be courageous and face our demons - the shadow side of ourselves about which we do not want anyone to know. It means that we are ready to move out of denial about the pain we are in, ready to stop hiding from ourselves. Willingness means that we are ready to become aware of how much we want control over our pain, over others, and over the outcome of things. Until we are ready to see, without judgment, how deeply we want to control everything, and all the overt and subtle ways we try to have control, we cannot choose to open.

Willingness means that we are ready to ask for help from a spiritual source of strength, and from others who can bring usl ove to help us heal. It means that we are ready to acknowledgethat we cannot find our safety without spiritual guidance - that we are ready to invite Spirit into our heart to nurture andguide us. It means that we have embraced the journey, the sacred privilege of learning about love upon this planet.

We cannot move into the next step of the Inner Bonding process,the intent to learn about what we are thinking or doing to causeour pain until we are willing to move out of denial regardingour inner distress. As long as we are in denial about our pain, we will not recognize that we have inner pain and may not bemotivated to learn about it. Our denial is one of the ways weare protecting against pain. We may not be willing to move out of denial until loving ourselves and others is more important than avoiding our pain.

Willingness means that you pay attention to the physical sensations within your body. You cannot know if you are believing or behaving in ways that are hurting you if you are unwilling to feel what is going on within your body. Feelings of pain, anger, anxiety, hurt, fear, and loneliness are physical sensations that occur within the body. When you numb your bodywith substances or shut out your inner experience with manipulations and activities, you cannot know what you are feeling.

We put ourselves on a new path toward our own wholeness when webecome willing to feel our pain and learn from it.
About the author:Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books,including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You" andco-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. LearnInner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bondingcourse: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her atmailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.

Dealing with change

Author: Clare Evans
Article: Dealing with change.

"The only constant is change". Change is something that affectsus all in our lives some more serious and impacting than others.Moving house, changing jobs, redundancy, divorce, losing a loved one, death, they all affect us in different ways and our ability to cope varies from the type of person we are, to how strong wefeel at the time, what else is going on for us at the time andour level of stress.

When we experience change we all go through a natural responsecurve that will vary according to speed and intensity fromperson to person.

Essentially there are six main stages to this curve.

Shock and Denial - often when we first hear the news or are impacted by change we experience shock, denial, confusion,fear, numbness and blame. How often do you hear people say "Ican't believe this is happening" or appear cold, unemotional andnot react when they first hear the news?

Anger/Resistance - this often follows on after theinitial shock. Frustration, anxiety, irritation, embarrassmentand shame. Wanting to take it out on someone else or blamesomeone for the situation you're in.

Dialogue/Bargaining - as we start to come to terms withthe situation we are more likely to be able to talk about it.Often the healing part of the process happens when we arewilling to talk about what's happened. It really does help. Manypeople who have been through change and emotional upheaval findit helps to share their experience with others either in asupport group or with a professional.

Depression - at the bottom of the curve comes a sense ofoverwhelm and helplessness. This may result in a completeinability to function and no energy or motivation to doanything. People may withdraw into themselves - physically andmentally and switch off emotionally.

Acceptance - when you're ready to move on you are moreable to accept what has happened, start to explore new optionsand put plans in place for the future. It becomes easier tothink more positively and this in itself has a beneficial effect.

Return to normality - while 'normality' may not bepossible in some cases of loss, once you have accepted thesituation, moving forward to a more secure and meaningfulexistence is once again possible.

What you also find is that you will swing to and fro within thechange curve and may pass through certain stages more quicklythan others. Some people stay stuck at a particular pointbecause they don't know how to move on and this can hold themback for months and even years and stops them from . You mayalso find yourself going backward as you adjust to the changebefore finally being able to move forward.

If you're going through a period of change - I hope that this helps you to recognise where you are and that it's OK to feel all these emotions. If you're having trouble dealing with asignificant change and what's significant to you may not besignificant to others - then don't be afraid to put your hand upand ask for help and support. That may be from your partner,friends or a professional. The quicker you learn to deal withyour emotions, the quicker you will be able to move on and growstronger as a result.

About the author:Clare works with individuals and small business owners to help them plan and organise their time more effectively. Learn how to prioritise, plan and delegate. Spend your time doing what matters and stop worrying about the things that don't.
Sign-up for a free monthly newsletter at http://www.clareevans.co.uk or email claresnews@aweber.com

Peter J Jackson, Australian Funeral Directors

Bouncing Back From Difficult Times

Author: Jim Donovan

Life happens. It doesn't matter how positive an attitude you
have or how balanced and centered you are, there are going to be
times when you are knocked down. Ties when your carefully
organized life is turned upside down and you get knocked on your
rear end. Life happens.

You will no doubt experience serious illness in either yourself
or someone close to you. You may be challenged with the loss of
a loved one, a divorce or perhaps the loss of a job or any
number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were
kicked in the stomach.

Let's face it. These things will happen. They're part of life
and no matter how you try to explain them away with the idea
that, "everything happens for a reason," they hurt. A lot! They
hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your
heart and radiates throughout your entire being. Repeating
positive phrases does not make it stop hurting.

At times like these, you're going to feel down, even depressed.
You probably feel anger or some other manifestation of your
pain. Whatever you're feeling, it's ok. It's ok to feel hurt,
sad, angry or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny
pain any more than can deny fear. The only way through either of
them is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The
question is for how ling will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life's challenging
moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are
immobilized by the events is what I call the "Bounce factor."

How quickly can you bounce back? Of course, the severity of the
event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to
get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their high
technology jobs, something that is becoming a natural occurrence
these days. One, whom we'll call John, is floored by the news of
his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming angry at the
company, his co-workers and the system in general. He spends his
days telling anyone who'll listen, about his "problem." Usually
from a bar stool.

As he sees it, his life is ruined and he's blaming everyone for
his troubles. People who react like John spend weeks, even
months, wallowing in despair until, if they're fortunate,
someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. Although she
has gone through the same experience as John and has pretty much
the same issues like living expenses, etc., she chooses to react
differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity
and anger, Mary decides to get back in the game. She begins
contacting her network of colleagues and co-workers, avails
herself of the outplacement services her former employer offered
everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a
short time, Mary finds her "dream job" with an exciting new
company.

While both people in our hypothetical example Had the same
experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time
each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state
was vastly different. While John remained "stuck" in his
problem, Mary handled her loss and moved on with her life.

This is the key. It's not whether life occasionally puts you
into a tailspin, it's how long you remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some
time to grieve your loss, however, don't allow yourself to get
stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about
your feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor.
If necessary, seek professional help.

In the case of a job loss, perhaps you want to take some time to
re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in
fields. When you're ready, you can begin networking and making
new contacts. Attend social or church events. Call people you
know. Do something!

One of the most important things to remember in high stress
situations is not to allow yourself to isolate. While spending
some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be
dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be
with people as soon as possible. As a friend recently reminded
me, "life is for the living." It's important to get back to your
life. In time, the pain will pass.

About the author:
Jim Donovan is a motivational speaker and the author of several
books, including Handbook to a Happier Life (New World Library).
For a free ebook or audio and a subscription to his newsletter
visit http://www.jimdonovan.com

www.peterjjackson.com

What to do about depression..help is available!

Being aware of Men's depression

It can lead to self harm and affect anyone anytime. Left untreated, depression can create serious disruptions to family and work and cause suicidal thoughts.

Depressive moods are a sign that some internal state needs attention or change. The demands of being a partner in a relationship, perhaps a father and family provider, coupled with ideas that men should "just get on with it" can make it difficult to talk about depression. Or you may be too depressed to seek help but depression doesn't go away by itself.

What is depression?
Physical symptoms

feel tired and run down
lose your appetite
have trouble sleeping
feeling agitated or restless

Changes in behaviour

avoiding friends
taking little care about appearance
have trouble finishing tasks

Changes in mood

gloom, despair
no enthusiasm for activities you used to enjoy
no happiness for the past, present or future

Negative thoughts

thoughts of not being good enough
thoughts that others couldn't like you
thoughts of being a failure

Most people feel this way occasionally - it can be a normal reaction to stress. But when these symptoms go on for an extended time - more than a month -and they feel quite severe, you may have depression.

Why you may be at risk

Life events such as pressures at work, separation and loss of relationships, social isolation.
Unemployment or under employment erodes your self esteem and sense of worth as a person - this can lead to depression. Some emotions such as hurt and grief are often hard to express. If these feelings are pushed aside and ignored you may become depressed.
Being aware of these factors will help recognise your own depression and overcome feelings of shame and guilt. This will make it easier to seek help.

What to do about depression
Talk to a friend or partner. Think of someone you can trust, who will accept you as you are, depression and all. Share the burden.

Family Doctors

See your doctor for professional assessment of the problem. The doctor will also give advice about what to do next.

Community Clinics

They are a free service staffed by psychiatrist, psychologists and social workers who can offer a range of help. Community Clinics are listed under "Mental health" in the phone book.

Counsellors and Therapists

They include psychologists, psychiatric nurses, ethnic support workers etc., who are trained in various counsellng techniques. Often depression is triggered by a particular problem or event that needs to be cleared up. Counsellors are skilled at helping people through such crisis. The cost of private counselling can sometimes be covered by health insurance.

Telephone Counselling

A number of services provide 24 hour telephone support service. They are anonymous, staffed with trained volunteers or paid staff available to provide emotional support and information. They are listed under "Community- Personal and other emergencies" at the front of the phone book.

Self help groups

They can provide valuable support, practical advice in an informal setting. Contact Western Institute of Self Help (WISH) for the self help groups in different areas.

Self help books

Find out more about depression and the full range of options available, including many things you can do for yourself. Larger bookstores and libraries have a good range of self help books or a self help book is available from the WA (Western Australia) association for Mental Health.
(Health Department of Western Australia)